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Don Burns Homepage
Friday, 7 January 2005



According to the latest numbers the President won the vast majority of Evangelical Christians in the last election. And those same numbers say they equal about 40% of the electorate. For those that are not enlightened, Evanglicals pretty much believe in a literal interpretation of the Bible and many believe Armageddon is right around the corner.

I've done some reading and calculating on this and according to the Good Book when those "end times" come there's supposed to be 144,000 that are good enough for saving. Everyone else is an also ran.

That means we've got a disappointment of biblical proportions in the works when the 40 million folks who all think they got a ticket show up for those 144,000 seats only to find they've overbooked.

And with only two destinations available, a free ticket to anywhere else isn't an option.



Posted by donburnshomepage at 2:58 PM EST
Updated: Saturday, 8 January 2005 9:24 AM EST
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Wednesday, 5 January 2005



The President took a few hits again for being "cheap" for only giving $15 million dollars in US aid to the tsunami victims in Asia. So he upped it to $35 million by adding in another $20 million in other peoples (agency) money that was probably not his to add. Now we're told that we will be giving $350 million of someones money in the future. Maybe it's the vice-President's money? It can't be our money because all of ours is already borrowed and spent several times over which is why we don't have any.

Meanwhile the rest of the world is in a bidding war to see who can pledge the most future money they don't have now for the folks that needed it yesterday.

Now you know why "talk is cheap".

Posted by donburnshomepage at 9:59 AM EST
Updated: Friday, 7 January 2005 11:03 AM EST
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Thursday, 30 December 2004



While we have been focused on the Banana dictatorships of the Middle East and Iraq in particular, the 800 pound gorilla of the Far East has been laying the groundwork for its coming changes of fortune.

China is about to bypass Japan as the 3rd most powerful economic power in the world, second only to the US and Germany.

With people+, our knowhow and money, increasing market share and an ever increasing monopoly on manufacturing along with the ability to defend it, they are a force to be reconed with.

Fortunately the President has a secret plan if China becomes too big a problem. We will simply invade them with our spare troops because they actually admit they do have WMD's, however the President has pledged to show restraint and the invasion will remain on hold pending the arrival of the latest supply of helmets, bullets and body armor from China.


Posted by donburnshomepage at 9:42 AM EST
Updated: Thursday, 30 December 2004 9:47 AM EST
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Monday, 27 December 2004



We don't seem to hear much on the news about the upcoming elections in Iraq except that they are going to happen at the end of January and a lot of people, except for the President, think they shouldn't.

Nobody seems to know who the candidates are or what they are proposing (probably a good way to avoid getting shot) but with 60% of the country being Shiite this is not going to be a hard call.

Anybody given any thought to what we are going to do when the new Shiite government suggests we start packing and cozies up to Iran. Anybody mention which side we are going to take when the Sunni's and the Kurds start shooting the members of their newly elected government. Anybody going to take up a collection when the new government asks us for more aid or better yet war reparations?

Guess not.


Posted by donburnshomepage at 11:01 AM EST
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Tuesday, 21 December 2004



We learned yesterday that the President actually has a plan for Iraq after all. Apparently it has been a secret. In that way it is different from Richard Nixon's secret plan to end the Vietnam War. That one was a secret plan. President Nixon told us it was a secret plan. President Bush's plan is an even better secret plan. It has been a "secret" secret plan.

In Nixon's plan we found out after his 1968 election that we were going to get out of Vietnam by turning all of the fighting over to the Vietnamese Army. "Vietnamization" he called it. After seven years of his plan we turned the fighting over to the South Vietnamese. They ran and we left Vietnam.....quickly. Plan worked.

In President Bush's "Iraqitization" Plan we are going to turn the fighting over to the Iraqi's and then we can leave and because they are already running it looks like this plan will work even better.

Just goes to show that great minds run in the same circles.


Posted by donburnshomepage at 10:57 AM EST
Updated: Tuesday, 21 December 2004 1:06 PM EST
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Monday, 20 December 2004



Seventy people blown up in Iraq yesterday. Three bodyguards and an election official were hauled out of their car in the middle of the street and executed. Ten Iraqi employees of an American company were abducted and are still missing.

We're not even to the election yet and they claim it's going to get worse before it gets better.

Maybe it's time for a new approach. Maybe we should do something we haven't tried up to this point. Maybe we should make.............. a plan.

I know it's novel. We haven't tried it in Iraq before but plans do have a history of working on occasion. All we need is someone in the administration with planning experience, a knack for winning difficult elections at all costs and someone who we all believe should go to Iraq and carry out ..........a "plan".

Let's send Karl Rove!


Posted by donburnshomepage at 9:17 AM EST
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Sunday, 19 December 2004



Secretary of Defense Don Rumsfeld continues to take his hits over our Iraq policy. The latest flap is over his not personally signing letters to families of fallen soldiers. He prefers to let a computer do it.

However, he still enjoys the absolute confidence of the President and there is no doubt he will stay on. After all, if Rumsield leaves, who is left to blame?

Think about it.


Posted by donburnshomepage at 6:15 PM EST
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Saturday, 18 December 2004



Well it was bound to happen. We've run out of money. The President has said so. He's cutting the budget, especially on domestic spending.

Seems he's finally learned Basic Math and was astonished to discover that when the numbers going out consistently exceed the numbers coming in, eventually you run out of numbers to play with.

Fortunately his friends in business who financed his campaign last month when the President pronounced that the "numbers were good" won't have that problem 'cause that's where the numbers going out went.


Posted by donburnshomepage at 9:22 AM EST
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Friday, 17 December 2004



The President is about to sign the controversial Intelligence Reform Bill which everyone wanted but didn't seem to want to vote for.

Seems the problem is that our intelligence system is overly bureaucratic and no one communicates with each other. Seems the solution to our intelligence problem is to make it bigger with another layer of bureacracy where we can have more people who don't talk to each other.

Once we correct the problem with this solution, what will we do if there is another terrorist incident. Downsize, Upsize or Outsource?


Posted by donburnshomepage at 9:32 AM EST
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Thursday, 16 December 2004



FEEL GOOD NEWS.

The White House has figured out how to pay for the social security shortfalls by giving your money to the gamblers on Wall Street. They have eliminated the shortage of troops and equipment in Iraq by recycling. And they have calculated that the unprecedented record deficit and debt we have accrued in less than four years can always be solved with more tax cuts. Meanwhile our other problems have been solving themselves.

Local governments no longer have to worry about financial problems. Because of state and federal mandate policies they no longer have any money to worry about. The government took it. Worry problem solved.

Iraq will also soon be a problem of the past. That's because we can get worried over China where everything we use is being manufactured with our money that is no longer worth much and will soon be their money anyway. Fortunately they aren't developing missles and WMD's. They're upgrading them.

Our education policy problem is solved too. Everyone takes standardized tests except the politicians who couldn't pass them and won't pay for them.

And how about our highly touted missle defense system. After numerous delays in launching it finally managed to fail all together. Fortunately whatever enemy it is supposed to shoot down doesn't seem to be to worried about us. I wonder why.

Well at least we can still count on our old standby baseball. As soon as they get back from rehab.



Posted by donburnshomepage at 11:08 AM EST
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