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Don Burns Homepage
Tuesday, 21 December 2004



We learned yesterday that the President actually has a plan for Iraq after all. Apparently it has been a secret. In that way it is different from Richard Nixon's secret plan to end the Vietnam War. That one was a secret plan. President Nixon told us it was a secret plan. President Bush's plan is an even better secret plan. It has been a "secret" secret plan.

In Nixon's plan we found out after his 1968 election that we were going to get out of Vietnam by turning all of the fighting over to the Vietnamese Army. "Vietnamization" he called it. After seven years of his plan we turned the fighting over to the South Vietnamese. They ran and we left Vietnam.....quickly. Plan worked.

In President Bush's "Iraqitization" Plan we are going to turn the fighting over to the Iraqi's and then we can leave and because they are already running it looks like this plan will work even better.

Just goes to show that great minds run in the same circles.


Posted by donburnshomepage at 10:57 AM EST
Updated: Tuesday, 21 December 2004 1:06 PM EST
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Monday, 20 December 2004



Seventy people blown up in Iraq yesterday. Three bodyguards and an election official were hauled out of their car in the middle of the street and executed. Ten Iraqi employees of an American company were abducted and are still missing.

We're not even to the election yet and they claim it's going to get worse before it gets better.

Maybe it's time for a new approach. Maybe we should do something we haven't tried up to this point. Maybe we should make.............. a plan.

I know it's novel. We haven't tried it in Iraq before but plans do have a history of working on occasion. All we need is someone in the administration with planning experience, a knack for winning difficult elections at all costs and someone who we all believe should go to Iraq and carry out ..........a "plan".

Let's send Karl Rove!


Posted by donburnshomepage at 9:17 AM EST
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Sunday, 19 December 2004



Secretary of Defense Don Rumsfeld continues to take his hits over our Iraq policy. The latest flap is over his not personally signing letters to families of fallen soldiers. He prefers to let a computer do it.

However, he still enjoys the absolute confidence of the President and there is no doubt he will stay on. After all, if Rumsield leaves, who is left to blame?

Think about it.


Posted by donburnshomepage at 6:15 PM EST
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Saturday, 18 December 2004



Well it was bound to happen. We've run out of money. The President has said so. He's cutting the budget, especially on domestic spending.

Seems he's finally learned Basic Math and was astonished to discover that when the numbers going out consistently exceed the numbers coming in, eventually you run out of numbers to play with.

Fortunately his friends in business who financed his campaign last month when the President pronounced that the "numbers were good" won't have that problem 'cause that's where the numbers going out went.


Posted by donburnshomepage at 9:22 AM EST
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Friday, 17 December 2004



The President is about to sign the controversial Intelligence Reform Bill which everyone wanted but didn't seem to want to vote for.

Seems the problem is that our intelligence system is overly bureaucratic and no one communicates with each other. Seems the solution to our intelligence problem is to make it bigger with another layer of bureacracy where we can have more people who don't talk to each other.

Once we correct the problem with this solution, what will we do if there is another terrorist incident. Downsize, Upsize or Outsource?


Posted by donburnshomepage at 9:32 AM EST
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Thursday, 16 December 2004



FEEL GOOD NEWS.

The White House has figured out how to pay for the social security shortfalls by giving your money to the gamblers on Wall Street. They have eliminated the shortage of troops and equipment in Iraq by recycling. And they have calculated that the unprecedented record deficit and debt we have accrued in less than four years can always be solved with more tax cuts. Meanwhile our other problems have been solving themselves.

Local governments no longer have to worry about financial problems. Because of state and federal mandate policies they no longer have any money to worry about. The government took it. Worry problem solved.

Iraq will also soon be a problem of the past. That's because we can get worried over China where everything we use is being manufactured with our money that is no longer worth much and will soon be their money anyway. Fortunately they aren't developing missles and WMD's. They're upgrading them.

Our education policy problem is solved too. Everyone takes standardized tests except the politicians who couldn't pass them and won't pay for them.

And how about our highly touted missle defense system. After numerous delays in launching it finally managed to fail all together. Fortunately whatever enemy it is supposed to shoot down doesn't seem to be to worried about us. I wonder why.

Well at least we can still count on our old standby baseball. As soon as they get back from rehab.



Posted by donburnshomepage at 11:08 AM EST
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Wednesday, 15 December 2004



The President has tied the record with Richard Nixon for having cabinet members bailing out at the end of the first administration. Kind of leaves you wondering if they know something we don't?

And since Homeland Security nominee Bernard Kerik took a hike before he took the job the rumor is the White House wants to tap Joe Lieberman for Homeland Security chief but Joe doesn't seem to be interested either. So what does he know?

Meanwhile they're talking more and more about recounts on those electronic voting machines. What do they know?

Are you getting a feeling of "deja vous" all over again?

Must be something in the cyberspace.


Posted by donburnshomepage at 10:06 AM EST
Updated: Wednesday, 15 December 2004 10:25 AM EST
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Tuesday, 14 December 2004



The democratic elections in Iraq are getting closer and everyone concerned,............ is concerned. That's because it doesn't look so good. Nobody even seems to know who's running and the general concensus is that there is a better than even chance that someone we don't like could win.

This idea of forcing "democratic elections" in countries who don't have a tradition of democracy generally is a bad one. In the end the outcomes are never what you hoped for and the direction is always different than what you planned. And when it all goes sour, you get blamed.

I think we would be much better off promoting "republic elections" where the people vote and then a small group of political "wise men" interpret the results and install whom they please as president.

Works for us.


Posted by donburnshomepage at 10:49 AM EST
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Monday, 13 December 2004

Another bomb went off in Baghdad today. We knew it would. That's because a bomb seems to go off everyday in Baghdad. That seems to be the nature of this.................whatever it is. The President calls it a war. He also likes to use the word "liberation". That's because if you go to a war and don't "liberate" something or someone then eventually people will start to question why you went to war and start to call you other things besides "liberator".................Oh, and it also helps to win. The Iraqi's on the other hand call it an "invasion" and an excuse to conquer and rule them. That's because while they had nothing to do with 9-11, they are being "liberated" because of 9-11. It also helps that they have oil. Lots of oil. After all, the President is not talking about "liberating" North Korea. North Korea has WMD's, a nut running the show and was not involved in 9-11. By definition they should be "liberated" just like Iraq, but it will never happen because the North Koreans are smart enough not to find any oil in North Korea.

Posted by donburnshomepage at 10:06 AM EST
Updated: Tuesday, 14 December 2004 9:54 AM EST
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Saturday, 11 December 2004



Well the election is over and the Democrats are finally regaining their sanity. They have decided they don't have to become Republicans, wear bags over their heads or leave the country for Canada after all.

Meanwhile, having beaten the Democrats by one percentage point in their landslide Presidential election, the Republicans have already determined that the Democratic Party is officially dead and Republicans can return to their favorite pastime..... Turning on each other.

And the President, having won the war in Iraq in addition to balancing the budget and solving the Social Security, Health Care and deficit problems can now spend his political capital and time trying to find people who know how to tell him what he wants to hear to replace the cabinet members who mistakenly told him what he didn't want to hear. Like for instance that he hadn't done any of those things.

This will also free him up for planning invasions in Iran with divisions that don't exist, spending money that hasn't been printed yet for programs he has already bankrupted and explaining to the French how he plans on improving relations with France, or else.

Should be a fun year!




Posted by donburnshomepage at 10:22 PM EST
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